I know what you mean. In reality, it's really hard to stop loving someone specially if you've been together for so long. No matter how toxic it is. Or how much he's hurting you. You invest so much time, love and effort to just let go. It's even harder when you don't understand what went wrong. It makes you crazy for real. You blame your partner for hurting you and you blame yourself for not letting go. Its maddening to be honest

I hope others won't experience this kind of love and pain in a relationship. Its mentally, physically, and emotionally exhausting.