Usually I'm a fan of Dindin's translation but there are so many mistranslation in this chapter. It gives a completely different meaning.
the whole inner monologue should go more like this
Yes, time and again, I ran headlong in the opposite direction, striving to shake off the misfortune that surrounded me; yet, having left my heart tethered to a single place from the very start, such an escape was never truly possible.
Much like Jason, forever beyond redemption. If my irreversible past is intent on haunting me for the rest of my days, then I have chosen to willingly embrace my lot. However, this lingering anxiety and these unhealed wounds are surely poised to gnaw at us even deeper... And so, I must leave.
For only then, upon my return, will I finally be able to reach you, wholly and completely.
and when Ian says goodbye it's not
I guess it's goodbye for now?
he's actually saying is this where we say goodbye?
Goodbye for now would imply this goodbye is temporary, which would negate the narration at the end of the chapter where the omniscient narrator saying they decided to keep the possibility closed/buried/unexplored. Meaning Joian is 🎵never ever ever going to be together🎵