I doubt this will be useful, if I'm honest, because it's been a while since I myself have been alone and miserable. but I promise you, it will get better, even if you don't believe so. you just have to take steps. they don't even have to be the right ones every time - everyone has setbacks.
But please, contact a counsellor or professional, be it online or in person. you absolutely need to reach out if you're considering drastic measures.
You're as important as anyone else. don't forget that. I believe in you, whether or not that means anything.
I am a FREAK for femboys/twinks in lingerie ohhhh yes. Come to mama 