@Pinkflwrz
you okay? I mean while it's probably not exactly want you want. Maybe try puttin your thoughts here or start writing them down. Someone may come across and relate.
I hope things get better for you dude cause being so isolated sucks. No one deserves that position maybe go online and meet people also help. I join a discord group and found some likeminded people so there are people out that. It's just about keeping your head up and living one day at a time.
You got this