The fact that the mc doesn't even care about anything anymore, he just wanted to be with his friends and not to be left alone, he wanted to be with his crush, just like a normal person. The amount of trauma mc got made him feel nothing just guilt, hatred and A sense of void... At this point, it'd be better if he runs away or just kills himself... He's not even got the energy to do anything more, he won't be able to kill them... I wanna kill myself and the author for making me feel like this, i've never felt this feeling i'm feeling while reading this... I need therapy... i think even therapy can't make me feel good.