Comment by mewo on Tao

@Tao I don’t think I ever will, but thank you regardless. It’s gotten so bad that I freeze up when I spot any signs of her being nearby. I freeze up when I go past temples, when I see the car model she drives, when I see someone with the same clothes as her, when someone with the remotely same voice as her. I can mention many other instances, but I think I’ve already gotten the point across. She will never be caught dead on a buss, but I once saw her pick someone up from the train station while I was in a train. I threw up on the spot. I fear her, I got sick for days. She will haunt me till the day she dies, or maybe even the day I die. She shames me for being born, for being a bother. And return I got CPTSD, insomnia, a strong bias against feminine and/or overly nice people, or just people in general-- even if all they're trying to do is help me. I have trust issues, regardless of my outwardly social personality I don't trust people and keep them at an arms length. I'm still stuck in the habit of how I treat her. In truth even if there's virtually nothing wrong with my current behavior, I'm miserable. I think due to being forced into one personality my true personality is the polar opposite. I even debated to curse you out just for telling me something that would never even happen, I don't like that about myself. I don't feel thankful for your words, I feel bitter. I know she’s narcissistic or maybe even a narcissist, I’m actually pretty sure she is. I know she's wrong in every regard, I’m a pretty rational individual, yet I can’t make myself feel better even when I have rationalized everything. I feel horrible. The stress is knawing me at me by the day and I have no one to tell since I can't manage to act the way I want. It just sounds like a plead for attention, a nice person saying that they're actually mean? It'll just be met with "of course you're not, you're so nice to me". I think I'm just turning into her and I am disgusted by that.