I wish i was like doc and could let my guard down so easily even if he overdoes it. trusting and letting go of things easily is not a very easy trait to have, but i can't help but wish i had it. seeing him so comfortable in his skin and still soft from the inside kinda stings. i too have amnesia cuz of what i encountered as a vulnerable kid in my childhood and my mind also erases the bad thoughts at every given chance yet I'm not soft like him. I'm gullible and think better of people. I made peace with every statement in my life. mental illness or family problems or even being disgustingly lonely. yet it still hurts to exist and to be someone i don't like. i want to be a lot of things. I want to understand and be understood. i want to love and be loved (which sounds like too much). but I'm only a broken teenager that searches for closure in every corner in her life in hopes something will bring her peace. whether its media or talking to people on internet or even in nature. peace is everywhere but in my heart . why am i destined to encounter such horrible events since my very birth? am i going to make it alive and laugh bitterly about the days when i wanted to die. or will i be the one you fear your kids might turn out like. it hurts to know how unfixable you can be no matter how broken people that are around you are. and it also hurts to know that people don't love you even tho you do your best. your best is never enough and will never be. looking around you'll realize you're the only person you know that suffers that much. you'll pity yourself and feel like there's no tomorrow. maybe that is the case for some of us. tho life still has hope for whoever no matter what they went through or who they are. it'll never work out if you yourself don't see it anymore. and you'll prolly curse the day you were given birth on cuz same tbh.
Comment by lilith on Trapping the Foxy Doctor - Chapter 79
4 Replies
@lilith I don't really know what to say and I know I'm late and we don't know eachother personally and I wouldn't know what what your going through is really like. You sound like such a well spoken, strong person and I want to tell you that u are loved. U will have someone that loves you. I am so sorry that you had to see such horrible things at a young age and its not your fault u had to go through that. I know how its like to feel like u want to go aswell and its horrible. So ur not alone in this and I kind of am the wrong person to be talking bc I still get these thoughts of wanting to d1e but I want to tell u that as I said before u sound like such a strong, beautiful, amazing person. U actually sound really well spoken and I will repeat this again that u aren't the only one going through this and I hope u find someone hat will make u feel even more loved and will make u feel comfortable in ur own skin aswell. Let's just get through life together and see what happens. I really hope u see this as I know not many ppl check their notifs and this was a month ago. You are loved and will eventually find something or someone that will let u be comfortable in your skin. I'm waiting for that thing aswell.
@meow wow man.. tbh i didn't think anyone would read this. I'm so embarrassed 😭😭😭. thank you tho i really appreciate your words. I cried when i read them. tbh Idk what to say except mentioning how sweet of a person you are to take time to read AND reply to my comment even tho i intended to make it long so that no one would but yeah :3. tbh ik I'm not the only one going through "bad times" but this thought doesn't bring me anything but pain since I'm reminded of how actual good people could be hurting and how nearly only they do. I have the worst savior complex and not being able to help everyone hurts me even more. I don't even think abt helping myself. I just want people around me to be okay but sadly no matter how hard i try i can't do much. even now I feel bad that someone like you could need help and I'm unable to help. I really hope you have someone that's able to. also out of topic but hello??? your taste is immaculate ma'am whether its in bls or music. you really sound like a good person. I'm gonna pray for both of us that life gets better since it's only thing i can do :). and Ik "I love you" is a heavy word you should only say if you mean it and i really do. I don't know you but i do love you and I'll remember you so that anytime you think that no one loves you know that there's a stranger thats miles away praying for you to be better and actually loves you <3
@meow I just wanted to say salute for u man ,😁😁😁. Word is weapon itself and also medicine,it depends on how we use it😉
@lilith what about me can I love u too ?? Why don't we just forget about past and make new memories 😁😁😉