There is a missing chapter that I read on another site. Mimi is confuse wondering who Zhangli really loves' the king, him as the guard or the Big guy he keeps referring to. He is afraid Zhangli is projecting his love for someone else u to him. He is having a monologue in his thoughts and just when he is about to accept Zhangli love, his reflection appears implying that gay s** is domination and oppression and Zhangli would not be willing to give himself (bottoming). That if Zhangli does that then it's a sacrifice and Mimi should not allow Zhangli to sacrifice himself. So it is shown that Mimi was harassed as a child (don't think it was ra**), and i think he is still traumatized and having self esteem issues. I love this story and the art. So beautiful. Zhangli is the perfect partner for Mimi