@I love global examination I think you worded it wrong, because I'd much rather be healthy and lean than look deadass skinny.

@Rikuu thank you again for your advices, they're really helpful!<3

you're right, I'll do 8-12k steps on the days I'm strength training since I don't want to hate life and burn myself out with doing 20-25k steps even on those days, and start slow with the resistance training after resting for a few more days till I'm physically and mentally ready for it. 

I have one last question to ask, you said earlier that 'you were me before', does that mean you're not anymore? Have you already reached your weight goals? I've been always curious about how people manage after reaching their dream body, I mean do you still occasionally workout and eat high protein meals? How do you eat your meals because for me I've these invisible glasses on at all times now that show me the estimated calories of the food, it's almost like I don't see food as food anymore rather that if I can afford to eat it and if it'll be in my calorie budget for the day or not if I eat it. It's sad, truthfully, not being able to enjoy food without worrying about it's calories but what can I do, I don't want to gain weight again .. but I don't want to keep on worrying about whatever I'm consuming so much either, I want to be like normal people who enjoy food as food and go on with the rest of their day without being so anxious over it being over their calories budget. It's exhausting, but it's helpful too, to know exactly what I am consuming, however, I don't want to live on my whole life like this either ..

@Rikuu try akumetsu

@Rikuu  4, I'll never live like a robot, that's what I said to myself when I first started this journey , that's why I try not to feel guilty when I eat out with my family or friends but the guilt is just there yk? But that's not even the problem, I haven't had anyone to explain these things to me so I try to make my ownself understand that it's fine if I'm occasionally eating out with my peers precisely more so since I enjoyed myself, and had a great time, and that's all that matters! I used the word occasionally because I believe in consistency>perfection.

@Rikuu 1, Thank you for taking the time to reply and your advices. Really. It feels refreshing being able to talk to someone who gets you.

2, where do you suggest I start then? Even now, laying on the bed, unable to lift a finger I'm believing that if I rest for three days I'll be up and good on the 4th day and will do the 40 minutes workout for four days and rest three days again until my body gets used to it like it eventually did with walking 25k steps daily. Am I heading in the wrong direction here? Also, should I get my steps in on the days I do exercise or no? If not, that'll affect my calorie budget for the day alot since 25k steps burn roughly 480kcal for me and my bmr + light activity is only 1338 kcal per day.

@BiNShy true.

@Rikuu ofc <3

@Zozo you mean BMI? It's 17.3kg/m²

@BiNShy ik, that's the point

@Wittira I appreciate it! I love people supporting other people like you!<3

Unable to move a single finger. I can't even get up without my stomach feeling like it's getting torn apart. I don't want to do this anymore, I want to give up, so what if I don't have a flat stomach Atleast I'm not fat now ! If I eat in a calorie deficit for the rest of my life I don't even need to get those damned steps in ! I'll just need to get a few steps on the days I eat out to burn the extra calories right??

And well, your girlie did, in fact, start eating 100g+ of protein daily while being in a calorie deficit and starting doing exercise but it's harddddddd I feel like crying I hate it I hate it so much. I've got braces on so chewing chicken is especially hard, my gums hurt so much to get that protein intake. (yep, I'm just a broke college student who can't afford that protein powder but mind you, I buy all my groceries with my own money so you can't tell me to get my a** out and get some work). It's not like I haven't tried all sorts of other high in protein foods but most of them are really high in calories (which my calorie budget doesn't allow since I need to get my carbs and fats to grow some height too, I'm hoping I do grow) or I don't like them, so chicken works the best for me, being so affordable and high in protein, except, that it doesn't... Work the best.. for my braces... Ha.. Ha... Ha...

Setting aside the chicken, since I didn't had anyone to actually guide me properly and I had to rely on whatever sh** comes up online, last week, I made up my mind and did a 40 minutes hellish workout from seeing a video at yt (Roberta's gym channel) to build some muscle and copied whatever it was doing. And, that, ladies and gentlemen, is where everything went down the hill, no one told me I need to start sloooow, 40 minutes is wayyyy too much for a beginner like me who got none strength at all, but buut, your girlie didn't stop there, not after feeling the soreness in my body after the first day and did the same hellish workout on the second, woa, third, wow, annd fourth day, woowww. Can I have some applausion? Because what in the world was I thinking, delusioning myself that the soreness is just from the muscle getting build 😭??? It's the fifth day and I'm currently laying on my bed like this : literally ths is me.

@Devil

@POOKIEPROTECTIONORG  you know, just like how it is you guy's choice to not hate over the lqbtq community or support it, it is their choice to feel proud about being from the country which doesn't support them, nothing wrong with that. After all, truly nobody is right or wrong in this world, we all just have different insights and views, we all live in a judgemental society with different judges. You might feel it's wrong to do drugs, but go ask a druggie he'll say it's the best, I feel like I am in heaven, I don't get why the whole world is against me like I am doing something wrong etc. I won't drag on, what I mean to say is don't let people's judgement ruin your day, it is in the human nature to judge the person standing Infront of you, you can't do anything about it, instead keep yourself firm on the path or should I say choice of judgement you've chosen for yourself and don't wander off it.

@Book I appreciate the reply, but I'm clumsy with my hands so knitting or sewing isn't really cut out for me.

@Nya thank you for the suggestion and you're right, since I've only ever watched anime or read mangas reading novels can be a new start for me, hopefully a great one.
And Trust me when I say this, right before making this comment I was looking up lotm and contemplating about reading it, It piqued my interest and looked pretty intriguing buuut .. I'm not really sure if I will be able to read it all till the end since I've heard it's a bit complicated written and y'see English isn't my first, second or third language either so... Also I'm totally not good at all with names, be it irl or reading online, being unable to see the character I easily tend to forget who was who again.

Do you think I should still read it?