Heyy, I just wanted to say that this doesn't sound healthy at all and you really shouldn't stay longer in such relationship. A relationship is supposed to make you feel safe and loved and this relationship you're having clearly fails at doing that. I guess your girlfriend is probably not interested anymore and is just too much of a coward to say it. Please do not harm yourself and get out of that relationship as soon as possible. If you need someone to talk, add me on snap, it's marie.2728