@Li Ha " I didn't hit you when you were kids"
All i wanted was for the pain to end
I didn't wish for a magic wand
All I wanted to prove im worth
Why do they say im not enough
I swear the pain was real
Is it really wrong to feel
Cuz feeling grief isn't a mistake
All those tears were never fake
All i wanted was a hug
Not to be treated like a bug
Cuz my heart kept shattering
Shards of glass cutting my skin
I bled till i couldn't no more
Lying was never part of my core
Yet u never believed a word
U are so absurd
You made me ashamed of being sick
And for every mistake get a kick
I was scared of talking, of existing
Who knows what response im getting
Will it be u shaming me
Or u saying "why r u lying to me"
Why is being alive this though
All i wanted was to breath though
Isn't it normal for humans to fail
Ironic, cuz i didn't even fail
U would blame me cuz i didn't nail it
And add to every negative thing yet
I spent my whole life hating myself
Cuz desiring anything made me selfish
But i was just a kid
Why was i swimming in guilt
Loving urself isn't bad
That's what i try to tell my head
I wouldn't call it trauma
Cuz it's a huge chunk of my persona
Cuz it's scary to admit it
That their words actually hit
So deep, deeper than the ocean
Leaving me with wounds wide open
A heart that wasn't broken by a lover
A heart that never stopped loving her
"Everyone had it the same way"
What r u even trying to say
That i shouldn't be this burnt
That it shouldn't hurt
Cuz frantically it does
Im even scared of loud noises
They made me hate being home
There's a few streets that id like to roam
I love walking but they don't know
Cuz im never allowed to get out
They would proudly say they know me
The girl u know is barely a shadow of me
A ghost that would wear my skin
My voice but it lacks the confidence
It feels like my bones are collapsing
And my rib cage shrinking
I tried to be the girl they wanted
But even then they criticised
I would never let them know me
That's it, if i know who i am
