@Book It's curious how in the feelings you want to hide there is also kindness, usually we tend to hide our flaws, can I ask why? You said that by nature you are very kind, how do you hide it then? Since you shared your experiences I would like to do the same! Unlike you I do not consider myself a kind person at all. My kindness often comes from external agents, like someone asking me for help and stuff like that. I love when I do a good deed, like lending a pen or explaining something to someone who did not understand, I like the feeling of having been useful to someone else but I do not think of this as kindness, it is more my pure selfishness to feel fulfilled. Because for me kindness is an act in which you sacrifice something of your well-being for another and you still feel good even if you are damaged. I'm similar to you in the case of emotional support. I hate comforting others, because I don't know how to do it and if I were feeling as bad as they are I honestly wouldn't want them to comfort me.
As for guilt, I try to hide it too. In fact, sometimes people see me as if I were indifferent to everything or more negatively out of place in situations. I remember this episode when I was 12-13. With my group of friends we went to sushi but one of them couldn't and so we went without her. This friend then went to that same sushi with her mother and her mother started yelling at us because we had excluded her and things like that. I still don't understand what we did wrong... At that time I felt guilty and I tried to laugh it off to lighten the mood but I only made the situation worse. I don't understand how you became more honest after the situation that happened to you, maybe I read it wrong but, you revealed the culprit and they didn't believe you, shouldn't you have become more closed?
