I feel like this is a safe place where no one know me Very out of context so don't mind me I am feeling really shi*** today saw classmate from school I know who is also in the same uni as me achieving 100% scholarship not that I am feeling jealous. Bcz I never worked hard for that to being with I am just feeling extremely disappointing on myself that I have wasted all the time I had and ended up achieving nothing. I am just hating on myself really. The problem is I know where I am wrong and where I need to work but I just can't make myself do that. Sounds weird but that's how stupidly shi*** I am . I always do things that I regret later. Now it's not even possible for me to get a 50% scholarship. I knew if I had worked hard I could have got the scholarship I am feeling bad because I didn't and still thought it's ok but seeing someone ik achieving that made me realise how much I am losing to myself.
@Spades I am just throwing myself in the deepest of the sh** and hating myself and regretting and turning into a complete loser . I have no beauty, no talent for anything, no passion for anything, no particular goal not even good at studies what do I have?? Nothing?? I give up before even trying hopelessly waiting for others to push me but how far will that even take me?? I know the answer but I still standing there at the bottom like a loser a complete waste of breath with nothing to show I am not even a good human Why would anyone want to be with me?? I wish I could change I really do but I don't know how or maybe I wish I could disappear so no know would know me my existence If that happens there will be no expectations no nothing. I am not brave enough to unalive myself I hate getting hurt lol but I am too scared to live in this world too full of competition and expectation I wish I could just open a cafe in a beach side rode and spent my time reading eating and sleeping having a lil garden in the backyard and a cycle to ride. Funny I am penniless for such luxurious life I don't even know how to ride a cycle but for a dreamless person like me that's the only hopeless dream I have that probably will never come true specially where I am living opening a cafe in a beachside Road will take millions sigh well whatever I will cry and feel bad today then go with myself life like usual tomorrow and it will probably go on until the day I die a miserable life of a miserable person and no will remember some one like me actually existed after my death
@Spades sometimes seeing others achieve things that you know or dream you can achieve can make you feel all types of ways. But don't beat yourself up because what you think you can't do. Don't say you can't do it becuase you can!! If you give up right now than your giving up on your future, even if you can't get a scholar ship rn that should matter. Don't compare yourself to anyone that puts u down even more, just do what you can at least set 1 goal you KNOW you can achieve and once you achieve that then make more goals and so on. Your not nothing, if you were then you would even be in uni right now right?? Sometimes nobody will be there to give you motivation, and that sucks bu** but one thing i can say is never give upp cus if you do that when what u have been going twds or working twds start to crumble on u and you end up hating urself and not knwing what to do. BUTTT if you keep trying to set a goal for yourself achieving small small things and doing little things, you'll end up with a good future that one day you''ll find peace in and work at that café your talkin bout!! SO YEAHH YOU GOTTT ITT!!
yea so uhm there small grammar mistakes 🌚 the would should be wouldn't and the should be should be shouldn't but yeah never give up you can always change directions in your life but don't fully give up if it gets to hard you can always take gap years if your uni offers that so your able to find yourself and take a break mentally, comparing yourself to anyone makes you feel defeated in areas your not strong so don't worry about them just worry about you and what you can do, hating urself not loving yourself makes it hard for other people to love you harsh ik but if you love urself it makes others love u more and once your able to love urself then you'll find all sorts of relationships you seek to have yk.. that comes with time, when the right time comes you will know sometimes ot happens unexpectly and sometimes it just like right timeing
@YOLLIE You actually took your time reading those big a** paragraphs and also gave me advice?? You soooo kind really 😭😭 I never expected any replies Cz I myself would never read big comments like that but you actually read my whole sob story and replied me?? That means a loooot really You are a kind human being. I hope you always stay happy and all of your wishes come true 😭😭😭
@Spades thank you smm, u also!! i just thought you should have some positivity shine on you, so you at least have a good day when u read that and not feel so defeated😭
SO YEAHH YOU GOTTT ITT!!
