@bl over studying. I'm pretty sure he's is saying he feels so empty because back in time if he never said that gays were disgusting to the blonde guy and made him think that then everything would've worked out for both of his friends and they probably would be together but his selfishness/possesiveness made it so that it didnt work out for them, and now that he figured out the other guy had also had feelings for the one he liked so he felt guilty and empty because he ruined what could've been a heartwarming couple. plus the one he likes may not even truly love him and when he said "why not me" i'm pretty sure the other guy whom he said that, to felt guilty and probably just agreed to dating him because he wanted to get over the blonde guy. (I love this story but at the same time I hate it and I feel where the MC is coming from, wanting his crush to like him and only him and not be with others and getting jealous over the fact that they like someone else espically another one of your friends but I also kind of dislike him for doing that, making the blonde dude believe that gays are bad is messed up and the blonde dude probablly felt pressured to dislike them because his close friend didnt like them so he decided not to like them. and I just really hate that. but anyways yah they're all relatable tbh)
Who knows how I got here atp
