Comment by Ashes on Under The Oak Tree - Chapter 139

@Ashes 🚬 Okay but did he ask her HER if thats what she wanted??? Thats what pis*** me off about him. I dont care that he wants to pamper her without her ever doing anything for herself, *if thats what she wants*. So long as its all consensual, its perfectly fine. I care that HE doesnt care that thats not what she wants.

@BlueBay Bro atp y'all are brainwashed. He didn’t “ignore what she wanted.” He genuinely believed she had lived a comfortable princess life because she never told him about the abuse. You can’t expect someone to respond to information they don’t have.
From his pov, he was marrying a noble lady who grew up privileged. So of course he thought treating her gently and spoiling her would make her happy. That wasn’t control. that was acting on what he believed was true.If she never opened up about being bullied by her own family, how was he supposed to know she didn’t want that kind of treatment? Communication goes both ways. And This isn't a modern office job situation, it's literal war. War is not a joke, it's deadly. She followed him secretly into an active battlefield without telling him, didn't even know  , and almost died. Of course he was angry. That's not control, that's fear and love. He didn't get mad at her He got mad because she risked her life. That's a normal reaction from a husband who just realized how close he came to losing his wife. Yes, she wanted to be useful. Yes, she has agency. But agency doesn't erase consequences. Choosing to walk into a war zone is objectively dangerous. Being worried about your spouse in that situation doesn't make you toxic.
If he had tried to imprison her, abuse her or belittle her skills, that would be different. But reacting emotionally after she nearly died in war? It not that he doesn't care. Both of them are acting from trauma. He protects because he fears loss. She fights because she fears powerlessness. That doesn't make any of them wrong. You should read the novel.

@Ashes 🚬 So real I genuinely don’t know if these people even read properly.

@Ashes 🚬 THANK YOU! i cant stand the riftan hate. they both have trauma they come with but no one seems to acknowledge riftan's. Of course riftan resorts to anger that's the only emotion he was allowed to feel for years. Maxi isn't at fault either tbh they just need to talk it out and stop hiding stuff.

@Ashes 🚬 He did though? Like she explicitly told him what she wanted to do. Im not concerned about his assumption of her life thus far, thats fine and expected. However, after that? After she said the things she wanted to do, after she said she wanted to get stronger and not just sit around? Yes, he has been ignoring that, and the things he does allow he gives her grief about and makes her feel guilty for wanting it. Him having trauma is not an excuse, and he objectively ignores the things she wants in favor of what he THINKS she wants, despite her telling him otherwise. It was excusable at the beginning, when they had no interaction and all he had to go on was her background as a noble. But after she starts telling him what she wants...

His behavior isnt limited to the war, and Ive made it clear in several comments that I dont think she should've been here. However thats not the point, because its not JUST about that. Maxi is here because of being pushed aside, because she wasnt allowed to train or get stronger at a normal pace. Its why shes felt the need to sneak around so much, even PRIOR TO the war. If shed been allowed to train when she wanted, to progress normally, to not be made to feel guilty for wanting to do more than sit pampered, she would've A) actually BEEN strong enough to be allowed to help out or B) Not felt so cast aside and dismissed in her wants, because she was actually progressing, and therefore wouldnt have felt she needed to sneak here at all. Either way, she most likely wouldn't have been in a position to almost die. She still ultimately made the choice, but its ridiculous to ignore HOW we got here, ignore that theres a lot more going on here than just "oh she went to war against his will, and so hes obviously mad at her for that", and ignore that a large part of it is BECAUSE of Riftan, and the fact that he allows her freedom and agency SO LONG as its within the walls of the castle. Implying that because she can do whatever she wants within those walls means she has agency and its fine is ridiculous, especially when shes made clear she wants to do more outside of it. Training, learning magic, going on minor expeditions, they shouldn't be FIGHTS. But because they were, she felt pushing extremes was the only way to actually do the things she wanted, which is directly how we get to her forcing her way into going on the expedition in the forest, sneaking into war as a cleric, and then staying at the warzone.

As someone who has had similar dynamics, it is EXHAUSTING for it to be a fight every time you want to do more, be better, improve beyond the limits of what the other person thinks is best, having to talk them into letting you do more, and being made to feel guilty when you do. Its tiring, and if it happens enough, you get to a point where you're asking forgiveness over permission.

Ive also said this before, but I have read the novel. I know Riftans POV. Thats not a catch all excuse you can just toss around whenever people disagree with yall. My feelings have not changed.

@BlueBay tf