@borderlinedumb don't worry too much, you just need to share, and in fact, no one will expect you to change instantly, i mean all you need is time, it will get better. cut yourself off those friends, you can find new people, dont involve yourself with them anymore, they aint worth your time and attention. And even if you lie, face it, accept it, but dont feel guilty...that's just how coping mechanisms work. you can just work on it, gradually. give yourself peace, and make yourself feel loved, try picking hobbies, eat healthy, start working out, just take care of yourself, eveything will get better on its own. and im sure your boyfriend would understand that too! babe, when i see myself now, i feel that maybe i suffered with those bich azz friends so i could find the people who cherish me even with such trash habits. its just that sometimes you have to priortize yourself, whatever you do, do it for yourself, feel confident and just give your best, rest....life is a rollercoaster nobody knows where itll take you. try to love yourself first 💖 All the bestt!!