@Prinzinc We are talking about should minors date each other or not, and your answer gives me all I needed to know, this wasn't about the "what if" but about what YOU think about this theme of discussion because each example you gave me has different ways to handle, who cares if you keep them from drugs and s3x when your kid is stealing without you knowing, and so on. Let me ask you a question that I do want to hear the answer from you, what is the message you want to give to your kids about romance and dating? Is it that romance and dating are bad things for them and is only for adults? Cause so far, that's the message you are giving by opposing so hard to teens dating.
My feedback on stories are not hate. You know I have to do this:
My conversation with my kids would be very similar to my conversation with you or anyone else but probably more in depth over time. I would explain that even adults are pretty terrible at dating (much less kids) and that awakening love before its time is painful, unnecessary and potentially dangerous. I would tell my kids that they aren't allowed to date until they are prepared to get married within the next 3 years so that they don't waste their time, attention or resources on romance that won't be profitable. I will even work together with my kids to help them plan out their near future and find families who are like-minded and consider dating as a temporary and transitional step towards marriage and treat marriage as a sacred institution. That way, if the marriage becomes rocky, both of our children will have parents who will support and reinforce the marriage as opposed to in-laws who might sabotage the marriage as soon as they sense weakness.
See, I don't see dating as something that you do for your whole life. Dating is a very short lived interim state in your youth that shouldn't become the marathon event that so many people turn it into. I think that children need guidance in picking out someone good because most people are terrible at picking, especially when your hormones can cover up significant red flags. I think that successful marriages need to be studied so that you can copy the best elements of successful marriages instead of studying professional serial dating in order to become a professional serial dater.
BTW, everyone already knows what works. Not only do we have success stories in the past we can study but we also tend to break every rule of studying anything when it comes to marriage because as humans we prefer excitement and hedonistic pleasures to long term profitable outcomes.
I'll give you an example of how I know what I'm saying works. None of my family are divorced. What I just described to you has been done in every generation of my family, dating back further than I can track our genealogy. My father dated one girl (my mom) and has been married for 46 years. I dated one girl and I've been married for 18 years now, I have 6 kids and I love my wife even more than I did when we first got married. You see... most people won't listen to success stories like mine because they think that they shouldn't learn from people who nailed their marraige "out of the park" on the first try but should instead listen to serial daters and people who have been divorced multiple times. That's because I'm not exciting and what I offer isn't exciting... however, unlike more exciting methods, my family's method actually works.
Of course it's the internet and you don't have to believe me... then again, even if I'm lying to you, you can still consider what I'm saying and test it to see if it's truly a better system than other models for long term positive outcomes.
