Comment by Nakahara Chuuya on Don't Mess With the Puppy! - Chapter 38

@Yaoiaddicted tbh i would love to but the thing is i dont have any friends irl and my parents are divorced. I live in a small country where everyone knows eachother. The therapists arent trust worthy that they dont take things seriously and tell their friends and other people about their patients. I went to a therapist once, (for another reason that is too long and messed up) the therapists didnt take me seriously at all one of them even asked me "are your dad and brother using you?" "Are you forced to do this?" which i was 9 at that time. I could say that im kinda scared of them (too long to explain as well) so in the end i dont have anyone to talk to. I dont know if even that would be depression tbh. I dont really remember things that happened in the past which i think why made me lead on this way. My memories are all blurry. The things that i could remember in my missing 2 or 3 years are all bad things. Such as my mother pushing me into boiling water and not letting me go until i scream. There are some memories of her grabing my neck but i dont even know which memories really happened and which didnt. I dont know if im being dramatic or just exraggerating but since thats how old me choosed to remember those i remember them that way so uh theres a lot to talk about for me tbh. But im not going to force you to know all of these. Thanks tho

@Nakahara Chuuya  
Stay strong buddy I believe in you 

@Nakahara Chuuya I get how you're feeling I went through the same thing and I know hard it can be to deal with these things and have no one you can talk to about it. If you want I'd be willing to listen I'm the therapist friend for everyone. It wouldn't be a burden because I want to be a therapist so I'd be like training and we don't know each other so I wouldn't have anyone to tell your business. I hope this isn't weird🥲

@Jaeverse Thank you so much right now I don't think I'm ready to talk yet but thank you

@Nakahara Chuuya I think I get what you feel. I had a suicidal friend once, and one that actually attempted. I'm so glad she survived and that the other one is in a better head space now. Depression eats away at you and to "beat" it you'll need to conquer your own mind, ask yourself the right questions to uncover the real reason for certain opinions and thoughts and gain a different perspective on things. It's all about that. I read that you can't really talk to anyone? I'm glad that you found the strenght to tell us about it, that's a great aspect about the internet, the anonymity. I also get how not having anyone to talk to at all is probably suffocating, adding to the pain you have to bear anyways already. I don't know what exactly happened to you, but divorced parents are probably a factor. My parents are divorced too. The divorce itself didn't hurt me, it was the aftermath. The things you find out and uncover, forcing one to mature earlier and bear more than one should at a young age. Talking about that type of sh** is hard, I know, but if you keep to yourself in your own head, with only one opinion and perspective on stuff getting better is unlikely. The reoccuring thoughts, all of what is making you feel depressed and suicidal, you need to try to see it differently. Get yourself to think differently. It's hard, cause thoughts are habitual things. They're just there. You'll need to stop yourself as soon as you realize that you're having bad thoughts, rationalize the situation, and think of reasons why the thoughts are there the way they are. Understanding yourself is important. English isn't my first language, so I hope I didn't fu** up anything in here:). If you're ready to talk to someone, I'd gladly try to help you. No pressure tho, ofc, that's your decision. I just genuinely want you to get better because I know what it's like

@Nakahara Chuuya you cry when yousee gay po**? im sorry im slow

@Nakahara Chuuya i am sympathising so much for you right now and i love that you had thr corage to say something online, becuase people wrote such beautiful things to you so i hope you take them to heart and find the support thst you need.  I know that you can get through thix point in your life and someday find a loving comunity rid of toxic relationiships and people. I hope you csn find someone trustworthy to speak to about this even if you dont completly open up but just knowing that someone if there for you and cares for you. Online is an amazing place to meet kind people as you can tell from the loving comments above, i would take that opertunity and with the added anonymity to tell someone so you know your not alone. 

LOVE YOUU!! YOUR SO STORONG FOR GOING THROUGH ALL THIS AND I KNOW YOU CAN MAKE IT!!!❤️❤️❤️

@Nakahara Chuuya Sorry if im budding in, but i just wanted to let u know ur not alone with the suicide thoughts or abt the memory thing. i have days where i cant remember what truly happened and what i js drempt up. if u ever wanna talk im all ears! i might not give amazing respondses but i can atleast be someone u can vent to. js hmu