Someone please tell me at least the most rational opcion to why do I react in a way that I always cover my ears and even I curled myself when I hear someone yelling (specifically my mother) (I don't react in this way with loud sounds neither with people I don't know yelling, it's just with her) and I am the oldest sibling and being the only daughter made me take responsibility to take care of my brothers when she is in a unapproachable state, so I am really used to her being that way, I'm a couple of months to be 20 years so I though that maybe it wouldn't be a problem to be distracted but now it's horrible for me to be near her without reacting full of fear even if I know I am somehow overreacting
Comment by Yanyi on Home page
7 Replies
that's fight or flight reaction, you are subconsciously afraid, if not terrified of your mother when she gets into that state of mind.
Seek professional help or ask other relatives if you can for help
Just my opinion doesn't mean I'm right....maybe you're scared or traumatic of people yelling because it reminds of your mother if there's a day she really said very hurtful words of anything that will hurt you physically or mentally and you think that the people yelling are yelling to you too....
There are many different types of mental disorders, and many suffer from them, like 1 of 10. They are treated differently. You are an adult, so it'd be better for you consider visit professional, though your family doesn't support you,since self cure is not always safe.
Unfortunately, therapy has a negative stigma because the extreme end of human craziness is given much media attention. Therapy is just the act of venting stress to someone who is qualified to listen, will keep what you shared confidential (they can't share to family without a patient's permission unless it is a matter of life and death or law enforcement has a warrant) and can possibly help with a number of potential solutions. A therapist is a doctor to ensure a healthy mind as a physician is a doctor to ensure a healthy body. There are apps like talkspace that let you talk to a certified therapist online which you may want to look into.
Do you feel you can talk to your mother openly about your anxieities? Perhaps if you share the way she makes you feel the way you did with us, she may be open to at least letting you attend therapy and this would also help you take an important first step to deal with your fear. If you are worried, have a relative you can trust to mediate so it doesn't devolve into anything physical or help you trigger your fear.
Wishing you the best Yanyi
Yes I know self cure its not exactly recommended but since I'm dependent of my mother because I don't have a vehicle because they only want me to study my bachelor, I have one but since I don't use it then she use it to go to work and get my brothers form school, and that's why I have no transportation to go to a professional, neither I have my own money and there's no public transportation here, I know that if a talk to her she might fight a little but she would think about it, I haved many times trying to talk but she is aware of the way she is and she immediately shuts me, she dislikes when I take out that topic, the past year I really felt that I hit the bottom with a deplorablestate of mind, I spent almost 2 years with a depressed personality and I knew that I couldn't try to change the way I was but I was aware that I was not fine, still she saw and avoid the topic but she really tried to care of me by motivating me to eat and to go out with my friends (wich I don't have now), my personality and my state of mind now it's pretty decent from how it was a year back and that's way I'm trying to work on that...I'm grateful for your concern, I promise that I will work this issue and I wish all the best to you all
You've done a great job making it this far Yanyi. If you are attending school to complete your degree (assuming it isn't an online program), there is a chance they have someone on staff you can talk to, and likely among them a counselor. Many students have family issues and no one they can really turn to, so universities often have a resource center students can go to and get some degree of help. I understand your situation is difficult, especially with your mother shutting you down (she probably fears being shamed by her own peers and neighbors if word gets out about her daughter needing therapy), but at the end of the day, this is your life and your well-being at stake.
The same thing happens to me except anybody yelling at me (or around me) will make me cry and give me a mental breakdown.
For me I think it's bc I grew up with my mom yelling at me or sm else for little and unnecessary things (She will sometimes insults us too) So I really loathe loud sounds but, yelling I just can't take
I also think she's not a bad person but, were not really on good terms (In my eyes at least)