Comment by pyrolynx71 on I Didn’t Mean to Make Him Obsessed - Chapter 23

@pyrolynx71 isnt that the literally point of him being a "male lead", i think almost all manhwa i read does show a ml who will show jealousy toward other men near fl

also coffee are said to not being popular around that time so there is less barista available, most of them coming will probably order tea and pastries until fl release new recipe of coffee

@du badu badu jealousy in a romantic relationship is not a good thing. it's very bad, actually. it can lead to abusive behaviour. portraying it as something to be happy about in a ficitonal story is bad for young girls who've never had a relationship before (and even older women who've never had a relationship before) because they'll think it's good for their boyfriend to be jealous of every single man they talk to.

she's talking about hiring an extremely qualified candidate and even gets mad at him for discriminating against the guy, but it's portrayed as cute that he's jealous. imagine a girl in real life whose boyfriend gets mad at her every time she talks to a male coworker, even if it's just about work or small talk. the boyfriend will either yell at the girl who did nothing wrong, which in some cases escalates to violence, or he starts harassing the other guy, which can also escalate into violence. either way, the boyfriend doesn't trust her to stay in the relationship and assumes she'll cheat on him with every guy she meets.

tl;dr stop telling girls that a jealous boyfriend is good. your boyfriend should not control you. you should be able to have friends (and coworkers) who are male.

@pyrolynx71 actually this lines with... most of men. Even my  man is not a jealous one and even he will be like "so you will meet with [man name] alone? Okay. Tell me where and when I will pick you up" 

@pyrolynx71
have you been in a relationship ? the way you are thinking is kinda immature imo. not all type of jealousy is bad. my man said "i trust you but i dont trust men bcs i know men", there's a reason for a man to be jealous of another men bcs they know their pack, if my man didnt control me then i wouldnt control myself, then the men i met will think i'm giving them a chance, they will act beyond line

you need to know why they act the way they are, some men are full of ego, they abuse rather physically or verabally, some can act the same but others perceive it differently, everyone has different characteristics and made different choices even under same situations, for you to think that jealousy in men to be bad generally isnt so thoughtful

when it is in drama, the women who fell in love with a guy and get jealous he go out with other women then trying to make him fall in love with her, they'll see it as cute and brave girl but if a man does it, they'll call it obsessive posessive stalker, how can you judge an act if you're not involved in it

i dont tell girls that jealous bf is good, i just said most mahwa ml are lile that and if my girls tell me about her relationship, i'll tell her to also think in his position first bfr you think why you face the struggle in relay

relay is complicated to just generally said a jealous bf is not good, bcs that bf will be your husband if you were meant to be, there's a wide range of occasions where jealousy happen and not all of them leads to same consequences

@marsah good for you, but meeting up with someone alone is completely different from... hiring a guy who happens to be male. to work for you in a place where you're in charge and completely surrounded by people. 

i get what you're saying. if i told my man i'm meeting a guy alone, he'd say "ok, what time will you be home by? if you're not back by then and haven't contacted me i'll start looking for you". but the duke isn't shown as fearing for her safety. he's shown as annoyed that she's spending time with another man. this type of controlling behaviour isn't just normalised, it's portrayed as "sweet" or "cute". i give the author props for having the heroine get upset, but all these series portraying the male lead as being jealous of any man she talks to that he can't control are giving young girls the wrong idea about what to look for in a partner.

@pyrolynx71 yes i agree with that , they werent in relay so it's not justified for him to be annoyed or jealous at this point unless they are in relay

also i understand a man shouldnt be controlling but each should have consideration of each others' feelings, my man also didnt push himself on me when we first met but do get controlling since he work far from home but it's not good in a relay with bf for young girls, some people are full of ego that they see their partner as trophy to control their partner life

"if my man didnt control me then i wouldnt control myself" it's interesting to me that you think this is ok actually. obviously i don't know your reltionship but i do know that even if my man didn't say anything, i would never cheat on him because he is my PARTNER. whom i LOVE. how could i ever consider hurting him like that? it's the same with every relationship i had before. i never cheated, and they never had to tell me not to. it just feels obvious that i won't.
also i didn't say YOU said jealousy is good, i said a lot of fiction aimed at young girls is saying it's good for your partner to immediately act jealous just because you talked to another man and that's the problem. and then you went on to say jealousy is good actually.
let me explain more clearly: jealousy in itself isn't bad, but it's not good either. it's an emotion. it's the way they act on their jealousy that's bad. it's the way they think about the heroine as their possession that they can control that is bad. it's the way they get jealous when the girl has done NOTHING WRONG that's bad. in most cases they're not even in a relationship. like i said, this main character just hired the best person for the job.

@du badu badu  all men are not predators who are out to get with a girl who's already in a relationship. assuming that a man is gonna make your girlfriend (this is not aimed at you personally, just speaking in general) cheat on you unless you keep her away from any man who isn't her family is harmful not only to your gf bc it means you don't trust her and are accusing her of something she hasn't done, it's also harmful to men in general bc you treat them all as predators. my man and i have many friends who are male and female and we trust each other enough to not assume one is cheating on the other. we have coworkers who are male and female and we don't get angry at each other for talking to the opposite s**. trust is the most important thing in a relationship. assuming your partner will cheat unless you control them shows a complete lack of trust in your partner. 
the same goes for women as well, btw. if i see a female character getting jealous of a male main character for NO REASON (they're not in a relationship or they are but the guy wasn't flirting), it's not cute or sweet it's annoying and i wish authors would stop saying it's cute.
it is possible to be considerate of each other's feelings without controlling each other. it's called communicating. if i tell my man "hey, the way you talk to [another girl he knows] is making me feel insecure" he will say "ok let's talk about it, reassure me that he doesn't feel romantic feelings for the other person and ask how he can change his behaviour so i won't be upset. and the opposite would be the same. he wouldn't say "i think you were leading him on" though, because he trusts that i wouldn't do that. he'll say "i'm upset by the way you interacted" and i would ask him what upset him and how i can change. i think discussing it properly and listening to each other is far healthier than saying "don't ever talk to [someone of the opposite s**] ever again".

@pyrolynx71 1. my relay is the same as your last paragraph
2. my man control me by telling me to keep myself in check, not all controlling is unhealthy, he didnt see me as an object he treasure but as a partner he want to live with forever
3. jealousy and possessiveness is different, jealousu is indeed an emotion, so does possessiveness, obsessiveness, ego, hot-headed, self-centre, all of this is emotion in itself but everyone have different level of emotion so one could be jealous but just observe and keep quiet, doesnt express your jealousy doesnt mean you are not jealous, and yes the way you want to keep your relay healthy is by communication but also that doesnt mean jealousy doest exist, it's they way you express, you suppress, you understand each other's emotion that make it healthy
4. if i am jealous bcs my crush talking with another person, it is either i express or suppress, but authors took it from the characters' perspective, i could just hope amd pray for my crush happiness, i could try to get close to him, i could sabotage his relay, it's all depends on the choices, and the course of actions are too wide to value how someone are gonna act just bcs of a feeling called jealousy
5. by saying "if my man didnt control me then i wouldnt control myself" is sometimes my behaviour is misunderstood, i was often too softspoken so i was always taken advantage by my superior, it broke me several times, my man couldnt be in my place to protect me all the time so he tell me to never be too soft, when my coworker chat me, i'd show my man and ask him how i should respond, im sorry if control wasnt the right word but my man control the part i let him to, so that any men wouldnt misunderstood my soft manner as a chance for them to take advantage on me in any way

@pyrolynx71
it's just that the way you feel that jealousy could lead to severe controlling behaviour didnt sit right with me as i said the consequences of one's feeling is too wide

someone could feel jealous with hatred, jealous then giving up, jealous then anxious and depressed, jealous the  possessive and controlling

jealousy is an emotion but the consequences also depends on other emotions mixed with jealousy

for me personally, i'd rather focus on consideration, comprehension, acceptance, forgiveness, communication, if someone didnt possess this characteristics, that is the bad thing, feeling jealousy is natural feeling and if it is a negative emotion then how we counter if depends on the positive emotions we have, if they didnt have that, that is when it become the severe controlling, hatred and possessiveness