Comment by Tetiana on Crossing the Line - Chapter 117

@Tetiana we'll talk about your fascination when you'd start to stop ignoring how trauma works in real life. It's not a simple get over it. I'm sure you know that and yet you are choosing to overlook Garam's very normal trauma response. That's fascinating to me.

@starrystar Yep, that's not a simple get over it, but a simple keep sticking to it. That's not how people cope with their trauma in real life either.

@Tetiana now that's not true. I know multiple therapists, I know multiple people who are in therapy, and I've studied enough case studies to know that's just not true. You're implying there's only a one way. It's not a one size for all. For some sexual assault result in hypersexualism, for some sexual assault result in complete sh** down, for some sexual assault turns into guilty which turns into self harm. I'm just giving an example. He's not 'sticking' to it cause he wants to. It's what his nervous system has learn through trial and action. You just don't forget it.

@starrystar Look, I've never said anything about "only one way". I didn't even elaborate on therapy cases. Sure, all people are different, hence the difference of how hard the weight of their trauma hits them.
Back to our love birds: Garam in fact sticks to his traumatizing experience from the past, and even transfers his way of enduring that pain on Jaehyuk (s. their short exchange on getting outed equals to misery). Jaehyuk is completely other type though, that's what Garam cannot grasp. And that's where Jaehyuk's strength lies: if you yourself view smth as NOT a problem, then it ISN'T a problem. That's very psychological. That's where Jaehyuk is steering Garam.

@Tetiana yeah people might not mind in other countries but this is Korea ...Asians care way too much and ESPECIALLY Koreans.... The society is crazy abt these stuff know it or not

@Tetiana
Garam has the Trauma, Jae has NO Trauma, but a boyfriend with a Trauma. Huge difference!

Of course he can have a lighter, relaxed and more positive attitude towards that said (not his!)Trauma.

Traumata, Depression and PTSD are not things you can "heal" with just a "positive mindset/ outlook on life".
Saying that is trivializing the suffering of all people who experience it. It's even paired with the notion of making these people the culprit of their pain, it becoming their fault in the eyes of people who use these kind of discourse. Quite sickening.
NoOne is sticking to their trauma because they want to.

@Kokoro Except for our Garam! He does keep sticking to his bad experience from the past. And Jaehyuk (quote) "can have a lighter, relaxed and more positive attitude towards that said (not his!)Trauma" NOT because he didn't experience it himself, BUT because he doesn't give a da** about what other people (might) think of him being gay and out! Whereas Garam is kind of ashamed about being gay, like he doesn't accept himself the way he is. That's more about self-esteem issues, not traumata.

@Tetiana lmao dude he was shunned out of his high school do you understand? we'll talk when you'd realise the depth of how traumatizing it is to get shunned out of school to the point having to go to whole different school because the guy you trusted and loved said garam tried to sexually abused him into gayness. You say he's insecure? Well seems like you're just like Jae cause even you can't understand how this is all corelated. 

Imagine someone getting mock in the whole school bc of their skin colour to the point people don't even touch them cause they believe skin colour is 'contagious' and 'dirty' (and all this happens in a very crucial growing year 14-18yrs) now tell that person who has developed a fear of being mocked for his skin colour that they are just 'insecure and it's a self-esteemed issue. They are not ashamed of skin colour bc they can't just accept themselves. They are ashamed and afraid of the consequences the world can bring to them bc of the skin colour(bullying, mocking, hating) CAUSE THEY HAVE SEEN AND EXPERIENCED IT. 

You know the water is hot, so would you go and dip your face into it? Nope, you won't. You probably would have learned from previous experienced that touching hot water hurts. That's how nervous system works. It remembers the things that hurt us. It is not just 'self-esteem' issue. 
I tried to explain it well but if you don't undrstand it now then cannot be helped. Your answer is so out of touch with reality that I genuinely had to take a moment to react.

@starrystar Mocking doesn't stop at school, assh**** like Garam's so-called "first-love" (more like infatuation, though) keep popping up at work as well. Mobbing can hurt, the extent it hits varies depending on one's own character. All the more reason to cheer people like Jaehyuk able to hit those assh**** back, so they get their lesson learned. If the way of coping with "traumas" akin to Garam's in your eyes is therapeutical analysis, well, good luck with helping this way.

@Tetiana Seems to me he's coping well enough if he was able to face his ex head-on and draw a line. He doesn't need to speedrun everything. The fact that he was able to deal with a homophobic roommate (Jae - who, bdw, as an adult did all those things so there's no excuse for that) for that long and was able to face his shi*** ex, I'd say Garam is already pretty strong and is doing well. He doesn't need 'help', he needs understanding and patience.